Last night our Cosmology class arranged to go to the Denver Astronomy Society’s open observation night. It was cloudy, and got worse, and so disappointingly we only saw the moon and a blurry Mars. But it was fun anyway. The few of us who showed up had a good time and laughed a lot. I got to know some of my class mates better and it was an interesting night. Grant, the professor is really funny, sarcastic but funny. He’s also a good teacher and really cares about us learning stuff, which is nice since some professors sort of just put the information out there and let you absorb as much as you want. Which is fine, but at the same time it doesn’t feel like you get as much back from them. But of course everyone’s different. Goddess knows I’ll probably make a lousy teacher. I can’t explain my way out of a paper bag. I’ll probably do much better as a researcher/ R.A.
For the first time too, I heard Melissa talk about not going on with a doctorate. Lately as I’ve watched her struggle, I’ve wondered if she does think she made a mistake switching to physics as a topic of interest. I hope she can find balance about that, either in recognizing what she does want, or in putting herself fully into her work. She’s so stressed out right now that it’s hard for her to laugh. That isn’t a good way to live. Even when things were the worst, I still tried to find ways to laugh. Not that they were always great, but I want to feel good about life. I don’t want to spend it unhappy and stressed.
We had a test in cosmology yesterday as well. I think that I was stressed out enough about some other stuff that I didn’t do as well as I could. Two questions in particular I messed up. One was as obvious as my face, when comparing high and low mass star lifetimes I totally forgot to talk about their type of fusion. (Duh, we only spent like 2 days on that topic!). I had lots of other stuff, but I’m betting that was a key element that I should have remembered.
Then on the final questions, we had 3 math problems of which we were to pick 2. I totally forgot and did all 3. Again just stupid (wondered why others were finishing before me). But then I also screwed up on two of them. One asked to compare the answer to the energy of a volcanic explosion and I completely missed doing that (it was math! didn’t expect to do an essay there). And one of the others I calculated a relativistic distance - great as far as that goes, but forgot that the travel time was 10 minutes! So I calculated it for a distance traveled in 1 second… just a little difference (ugg). That one I remembered walking away from the test! So I didn’t do as well on this one. But oh well. I think I did ok, just don’t like not getting A’s. Same old story.
Had an interview yesterday that I totally bombed as well. Two sql questions, and couldn’t answer either of them. I knew it when I walked out. But the consolation is simply that I didn’t want the job anyway. It was database related and I really hate that type of work. So I’ll keep looking for whatever is out there for me.
That’s another thing that is funny about Grant. He keeps making comments about not knowing where he’s going to be in the near future. He keeps saying things like “if I’m here” etc etc. Talking to him in his office he said that if he doesn’t stay here he probably wouldn’t teach any more. He wants to do research. He also said that getting a Ph.D is not all it’s cracked up to be. Says it is really stressful. I guess for me it’s a personal thing. My brother was a doctor. Want to do as well as him.
Oh well - that was the day yesterday. Another boring rambling about my life. Oh I guess there were some UNboring details.
I had kind of a rough morning before the test (hmmm… maybe that is why it was so stressful!). First off, I was in with my new therapist who has no windows, and the electricity went out… that was fun. It was the end of the appointment anyway so I wasn’t too bothered. Then I went to try to get gas at the gas station. I pulled into the pump, and the stupid card reader didn’t work. Kept flashing “insert cash” and there wasn’t even a place to insert cash into! So I moved my car, got out again, and put my card in this one. It worked (thankfully). However, I had enough money in my bank account to put in $10 of gas to leave a little in the account. (I hate being this poor). And I got to $10 and the stupid release wouldn’t work. I kept trying to get it to stop and it was just stuck. Uggg. It went up to $12.85 before it would release. I was having visions of A) going over what my card would allow (gee that would be fun) and/or b) getting completely dowsed in gasoline when the stupid thing eventually filled the car and wouldn’t stop… Lovely images both. But neither happened. And I had that much in my account (left a few cents anyway). So then I pull out of the gas station which is right across from school. Get into the left lane, and there is a truck stopped in the left turn only lane so I swing out into the next lane to go by him at the light. He decides that he’s going to move THIS turn of the light so I zoom up to pass him and it’s a very short block with a left turn only in front, and as I zoom through this second light, I hear the light rail whistle and look to the left and there about 15 feet away from me is the light rail zipping along towards me. I think it cleared my car by about 5 feet. It was kind of weird. I didn’t really get shaken up, didn’t feel scared… Kind of numb. The back of my mind kind of registered that I should be freaking out right about then but I just didn’t. But maybe that is why I did bad on the test. Who knows. My mind works in mysterious ways most of the time.
