Not my own words, but there none the less
Sometimes only my music gives me words. The last week has been difficult as I’ve stood back and watched what feels like the relationship I counted on crumble around my feet, without my ability to do anything. And I know the more I try, the worse I make it. So here are some of the feelings I have, all credit to Sarah McLachlan for she seems to be my voice right now:
When we are/were close and friends:
Push
Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affection
You’ve seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You’re the one true thing I know I can believe in
Your all the things that I desire you save me you complete me
You’re the one true thing I know I can believe
I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do ‘cause you’re too good to fight about it
Even when I have to push to see how far you’ll go
You won’t stoop down to battle but you never turn to go
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You’re the one true thing I know I can believe in
Your all the things that I desire you save me you complete me
You’re the one true thing I know I can believe
There are times I can’t decide when I can’t tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I’d drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I’m ok
sometimes that’s just what we need to get us through the day
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You’re the one true thing I know I can believe in
Your all the things that I desire you save me you complete me
You’re the one true thing I know I can believe
When I’m saddest and feel no way out of the mess I’ve made of things:
Fallen
Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I’ve tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I’ve tried, I’ve fallen…
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here
And tell me I told you so…
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It’s the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.
I’ve fallen…
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here
And tell me I told you so…
Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I’m lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don’t see
But it’s one missed step
You’ll slip before you know it
And there doesn’t seem a way to be redeemed
Though I’ve tried, I’ve fallen…
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here
And tell me I told you so…
Trying to find peace… although I don’t feel that there was ever a point where he hurt me on purpose the rest fits
Perfect Girl
Am I faithful, am I strong, am I good enough to belong
in your reverie a perfect girl
Your vision of romance is cruel and all along I played the fool
all your expectations bury me
Don’t worry you’ll find the answer if you let it go
give yourself some time to falter
But don’t forgo knowing that your loved no matter what
and everything will come around in time
I own my insecurities I try to own my destiny
That I can make or break it if i choose
But you take my words and twist them ’round
’til I’m the one who brings you down
Make me feel like I’m the one to blame for all of this…
Don’t worry you’ll find the answer if you let it go
give yourself some time to falter
But don’t forgo knowing that your loved no matter what
and everything will come around in time
You need everybody with you on your side
Know that I am here for you but I hope in time
You’ll find yourself alright alone
You’ll find yourself with open arms
You’ll find yourself you’ll find yourself in time
The riot in my heart decides to keep me open and alive
I have to take myself away from you
‘cause I can’t compete I can’t deny there’s nothing that I didn’t try
how did I go wrong in loving you
Don’t worry you’ll find the answer if you let it go
give yourself some time to falter
But don’t forgo knowing that your loved no matter what
and everything will come around in time
Feeling like there is nothing left…
I Will Remember You
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I’m so tired
But I can’t sleep
Standing on the edge
of something much too deep
Funny how I feel so much
But cannot say a word
We are screaming inside
Oh…but we can’t be heard
So afraid to love you
More afraid to lose
Clinging to a past
that doesn’t let me choose
But once there was a darkness
A deep and endless night
Gave me everything you had
Oh…you gave me light
and finally the wish that things will be ok for both of us
Do What You have to
What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
and fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do …
and I have the sense to recognize that
I don’t know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I’m ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize
that I don’t know how
to let you go
I don’t know how
to let you go
a glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I’m shaken by the violence
of existing for only you
I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
and I have sense to recognize but
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go
And regardless of what happens… what I want for both of us…
Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
All the fear has left me now
I’m not frightened anymore.
It’s my heart that pounds beneath my flesh.
it’s my mouth that pushes out this breath
and if I shed a tear I won’t cage it.
I won’t fear love
and if I feel a rage I won’t deny it.
I won’t fear love.
Companion to our demons
they will dance and we will play.
With chairs candles and clothes
making darkness in the day.
It will be easy to look in or out
upstream or down
without a thought
and if I shed a tear I won’t cage it.
I won’t fear love
and if I feel a rage I won’t deny it.
I won’t fear love.
Peace in the struggle to find peace.
Comfort on the way to comfort
and if I shed a tear I won’t cage it.
I won’t fear love
and if I feel a rage I won’t deny it
I won’t fear love.
I won’t fear love.
I won’t fear love…
Like a yoyo, my life and feelings and mind has tumbled up and down; I want and don’t want; I love and don’t; I hate the silence and worship the dark; I fear to say my feelings and cannot stop my mouth; I live on the edge and drown in the eternity. We were friends, we were lovers, we were more, we were less, we will be again. I have hope, I have hope, I have peace…
