Ravings of a BiPolar Gothic Witch
     Occasional commentary, observations and tidbits as well as other random thoughts

Life. Why is it we forget what it is in the moment. Right now. There - did you feel it? How can we live so dead to the world, so dead inside? And then something blows you open, like a hole in your soul. I feel as if I’ve surfaced deep water and can now remember to feel, see, hear, smell, taste - like a child when everything is new.

Is it our natural way to turn this off most of the time? Would we implode from experience? Or is that whatever the catalyst, our senses, just like our physical nerves stimulated too much, dull from the constancy of sensation… What would it be like to live life so open to everything. If we are creating our reality, we do we dull it to ourselves? Why do we lessen the intensity of our life?

Questions/Answers. I post this here and will read it whenever I want to remember that I am alive, and open to everything. I never want to turn this off again.

Just when you think things are not possible anymore, when you have gone past a time when you can truly feel alive in all of your being from being close to another person, if you are lucky, really lucky - you meet a person who is your mirror. And when that happens time stops mattering. I don’t have a clue what will happen or where we will go, but living forever is about moments like this, the desire of wanting things to never stop.

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wow. dreams last night, again unremembered but waking from them made me ache wanting to sleep again just to have you there…

i, like you said last night, have no idea what this is, what is happening, but i want more

my thoughts have turned to you at every moment that has not held a conscious thought - is that happening to you? not only that, i think of you and my body flushes, heat radiating from my belly out - warmth that wakes me to something i thought was lost a very long time ago - what is this affect you are having on me? if it wasn’t for the fact that something deep inside me is meeting something deep inside you, i would be scared, feeling as if i had lost my mind or that i am losing it - but only when i am not in your presence does thought take over - when you are in front of me, behind me, bruising my shoulders or neck with your fingers, your lips… there is only the pulse of the dance of our heartbeats… and I fall into that beat, steady slow, the breathe, the heat, the eyes

last night, at some point between the end of one event and the middle of the next, something inside shifted - i hope i’m not scaring you off - you have brought out tremendous passion that apparently had not deserted me entirely, just dulled down to the coals somewhere deep inside me - I think you’ve made me 14 again too

and by the way, just as a very important side note - 14 year old hormones in an adult dominant… hot doesn’t begin to adequately describe the affect -

sometimes my words are not enough to pull what’s inside me so:

Possession

Listen as the wind blows from across the great divide
voices trapped in yearning, memories trapped in time
the night is my companion, and solitude my guide
would I spend forever here and not be satisfied?
and I would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I’ll take your breath away
and after, I’d wipe away the tears
just close your eyes dear
Through this world I’ve stumbled
so many times betrayed
trying to find an honest word to find
the truth enslaved
oh you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhymes
my body aches to breathe your breath
your words keep me alive
And I would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I’ll take your breath away
and after, I’d wipe away the tears
just close your eyes dear
Into this night I wander
it’s morning that I dread
another day of knowing of
the path I fear to tread
oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride
nothing stands between us here
and I won’t be denied
and I would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I’ll take your breath away
and after, I’d wipe away the tears
just close your eyes…

- Sarah Mclachlan, Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

you take my breath away, again and again
when can I see you again?