http://jemmstone.blogsome.com/2007/02/11/the-dance/ Occasional commentary, observations and tidbits as well as other random thoughts Mon, 07 Dec 2009 08:31:40 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=1.5.1-alpha http://jemmstone.blogsome.com/2007/02/11/the-dance/#comment-342 Tue, 06 Mar 2007 10:52:28 +0000 http://jemmstone.blogsome.com/2007/02/11/the-dance/#comment-342 Your words have really touched me. It has been almost exactly how I have felt lately. I am in a relationship, have been for 7 years. and the last year or so we have been having problems. we have no emotional connection anymore. yet, I love him too much to leave him, and keep thinking tha things will go better. and then about 3 months ago I connected with an old friend, and we have been having the most amazing conversations. we talk about everything, our dreams and hopes and everything. I have told this guy deep secrets that I haven't shared with anyone, ever, not even my supposed 'soul mate'. All of this has made me very confused. I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know if I am in love with this other guy. I constantly think bout him, and dream about him. but even so, I am not ready to just give up all my dreams and seven years worth of relationship just like that. I made a conscious decision that I wanted to be with my boyfriend, and work things out with him (this was after a ritual in which I asked for guidance) and we have had a great 2 weeks. then he asked me to marry him.and I felt myself say yes. even though I feel thatthe timing is wrong, and we are on a trial basis to see if we can work out our problems. but I couldn't say no. and now, a week later, I am making plans to see this friend of mine behind my boyfriend's back.(he is extremely jealous and possessive). I don't want to cheat on him. I just want to go and have coffee with a good friend, maybe even my best friend at this stage. I'm feeling really confused and f**ed up. what is wrong with me. I am a horrible person... Your words have really touched me. It has been almost exactly how I have felt lately. I am in a relationship, have been for 7 years. and the last year or so we have been having problems. we have no emotional connection anymore. yet, I love him too much to leave him, and keep thinking tha things will go better. and then about 3 months ago I connected with an old friend, and we have been having the most amazing conversations. we talk about everything, our dreams and hopes and everything. I have told this guy deep secrets that I haven’t shared with anyone, ever, not even my supposed ’soul mate’. All of this has made me very confused. I don’t know what I want anymore. I don’t know if I am in love with this other guy. I constantly think bout him, and dream about him. but even so, I am not ready to just give up all my dreams and seven years worth of relationship just like that. I made a conscious decision that I wanted to be with my boyfriend, and work things out with him (this was after a ritual in which I asked for guidance) and we have had a great 2 weeks. then he asked me to marry him.and I felt myself say yes. even though I feel thatthe timing is wrong, and we are on a trial basis to see if we can work out our problems. but I couldn’t say no.
and now, a week later, I am making plans to see this friend of mine behind my boyfriend’s back.(he is extremely jealous and possessive). I don’t want to cheat on him. I just want to go and have coffee with a good friend, maybe even my best friend at this stage. I’m feeling really confused and f**ed up. what is wrong with me. I am a horrible person…

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