Ups and Downs
In spite of getting a horrendous period today, I feel better. Much happened last week to give me clarity, some sense of the what is, and now I’m balanced again. It allowed me to put things into a perspective I could understand instead of struggling with concepts that were some one else’s and foreign to me. It allowed me to make decisions like not writing about deep things in email, unless you speak the same language. Come to think of it, there is only one person in the entire world I was ever able to do that with, and now he is out of my life. Sad for me, but true.
So today is a good day. I have the happiness, if not the giddiness of before, and I am excited about where I am going and how to get there. I see plans and decisions on my horizon, I can have my dreams, and still have fun and be myself. Went to a club Saturday night and saw people I’ve not seen in ages. Got to talk with them and share and had a wonderful time. And to think I hesitate to go by myself. Times like Saturday make me remember that I am loved and valued in the community and that there is a place for me if I simply walk into it.
Things are more peaceful at home right now. My house needs cleaning (ugg). Badly (double ugg). I hate to clean. Would love to hire a maid. Maybe I will for this once. Probably be incredibly expensive but it would be really nice to have a really clean house. Of course, that doesn’t solve the clutter problem which is also driving me nuts - too much STUFF. But no where to put it. yikes.
Do i miss the giddiness, the new "in-love" feelings? yeah i do… i would have like them to stay longer. there is something about that that makes you feel really really alive, your senses, body and soul open to all the possibilities of everything in the universe. i’m hoping it’s just gone on hiatus. but we’ll see.
anyway, i survived the crash
i’m back
Tags: love, relationship, bipolar
